Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life

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So in some cases, "loving what is," means accepting the fact that someone else's behavior affects us a certain way and then asking for help from them and compassionately communicating our needs while not demanding or expecting the other person to meet them - as we understand our needs are ultimately our own responsibility and the other person may only be one strategy or source of meeting our needs. Byron Katie has rocked my world and shaken loose my mind more thoroughly than any other spiritual teacher I’ve ever encountered, living or dead. I think many people would be surprised to find the stress and frustration that they think others are causing are actually self-generated. So it's not your partner’s assumed lack of love that’s hurting you – it's your interpretation of your partner’s feelings.

Katie's co-author, Stephen Mitchell, is the author of many bestselling works including Tao Te Ching, The Selected Poetry of Rainer Maria Rilke, Gilgamesh, The Gospel According to Jesus, The Book of Job, The Second Book of the Tao, The Iliad, and The Odyssey. If it makes no sense, or is difficult to grasp in book form, try watching a video of Byron Katie working with someone (tons of videos on youtube) or at least visit the concept again in 6-7 years. Based her own experience, she now shares her method of conquering depression and unhappiness with people all over the world so they can lead a more fulfilling life.I've been to psychologists, psychiatrists and therapist (which I still recommend for each and every person). Now, make 3 statements that will turn your written statement around to the self, to the other, and to the opposite. While living wholly in the future or in the past is counter-productive, we need to expend some energy deciding where we want to go and what we want to be and then figuring out how to get there. Before people can truly undertake The Work, they must believe that the capacity for their happiness lies exclusively within themselves. If you continue to do The Work, you may discover that the questioning flows into every aspect of your life, effortlessly undoing the stressful thoughts that keep you from experiencing peace.

That doesn't mean, as I mentioned below, that there isn't good to be found in this book or that it's not helpful to many. Stress, depression or unhappiness are the not our enemies, merely the signals that perhaps we are seeking to meet a need of ours through an inefficient or unrealistic strategy. for everyone else is at both a little arrogant, and potentially damaging to the people in question (literally). However, if you are tired of reliving over and over pain and hurt, this book may offer profound relief and a new freedom from terminal thinking. A thought is harmless unless we believe it as it's the attachment to our thoughts that causes suffering.In addition, I'd recommend aforementioned model of non-violent communication (NVC) and its understanding of observations, feelings, needs and requests/strategies. The only way to achieve harmony is to focus only on your business, leaving the things others can control in their court and surrendering the things that only God can change. In fact, “If you want reality to be different than what it is, you might as well try to teach a cat to bark. In this groundbreaking book, Katie helps you question everything you have been taught to do to gain love, approval, and appreciation and shows you how this questioning brings real love and puts you in charge of your own happiness.

Being assertive means we ask for what we want while letting go of the outcome and the answer if the answer is no. I don't even really 'do' the Work but I ask myself the questions quickly and that in turn has helped me to see that my thoughts are not necessarily reality, and that my feelings are caused by those thoughts. For nearly a decade she spiraled down into paranoia, rage, self-loathing, and constant thoughts of suicide; for the last two years she was often unable to leave her bedroom. It's highly addictive to get core insights on personally relevant topics without repetition or triviality.I think that the questions are basic stuff for those familiar with cognitive behavioral therapy, but for some reason Katie's four particular questions really work.